So, you’re in a sexless marriage, huh? Before you go and do something crazy like actually talk to your partner about it, let’s dive into the top 10 reasons why you should just suck it up and accept your new life as a eunuch. Who needs physical intimacy anyway? Overrated if you ask me.

1. Become a Master of Self-Pleasure

Forget your partner, you’re about to become the Picasso of pleasuring yourself. Sure, it may start off feeling a little lonely and depressing, but just think of all the time you’ll save not having to worry about anyone else’s satisfaction. Plus, you can really start to get creative - ice cubes, feathers, small rodents (wait, scratch that last one). The possibilities are endless!

The Key to Happiness is in Your Own Hands

Literally. When you can no longer rely on your spouse to tend to your ahem needs, it’s time to take matters into your own hands. And let’s be honest, you probably know your own body better than anyone else anyway. Think of it as a steamy, solo dance routine that you get to choreograph all by yourself.

2. Avoid the Awkward Rejection

Remember that time you tried to initiate sexy time and your partner looked at you like you had three heads and halitosis? Yeah, me neither, because I’ve successfully avoided that mortifying scenario by simply not trying at all! No more sweaty palms, no more casual “Hey, you up for…” texts that get ignored. It’s a whole new world of not being shot down, and it’s glorious.

The Silent Treatment has Never Felt so Liberating

When your partner inevitably asks why you’ve stopped initiating intimacy, you can just shrug and say, “I dunno, I guess I’m just not that interested anymore.” And then enjoy the blissful silence as they wrestle with their own insecurities and feelings of rejection. No confrontation needed!

3. Expand Your Horizons (Literally)

Without the distractions of physical intimacy, you’ll have so much more time to focus on all the other amazing things in life. Like…uh…well, you know, stuff. Hobbies, friends, that weird collection of garden gnomes you’ve been meaning to organize. The possibilities are endless! And hey, who needs sex when you’ve got a killer vegetable garden, am I right?

Embrace Your New Asexual Lifestyle

You can finally shed that pesky “sexual being” label and become a true renaissance person, unencumbered by the petty concerns of the flesh. Forget about lingerie and mood lighting - your new evening routine will consist of comfy sweatpants, a good book, and maybe a soothing face mask. Embrace the freedom!

4. Save a Fortune on Sexy Lingerie

You know all that money you used to spend on lacy thongs, slinky nightgowns, and edible body glitter? Yeah, that can all stay in your savings account now. No more stressing about finding the perfect ensemble to seduce your partner - your new uniform is oversized t-shirts and granny panties, and you’re going to rock that look.

Goodbye, Victoria’s Secret; Hello, Costco

When your sex life dwindles to the occasional awkward fumble, there’s really no need to maintain a fancy lingerie drawer. Might as well just stock up on those mega-packs of basic cotton briefs and call it a day. Who needs to feel sexy when you can feel…comfortable?

5. Avoid the Dreaded Marital Counseling

You know what they say - if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. And in the case of a sexless marriage, it’s definitely not broken…it’s just awkwardly limping along. Why risk upsetting the delicate balance by dragging in some nosy therapist who’s going to suggest you actually communicate with your partner? Nope, you’re doing just fine in your little bubble of unresolved intimacy issues, thank you very much.

Ignorance is Bliss, Especially in the Bedroom

When your partner inevitably brings up the lack of physical connection, simply deny, deny, deny. “What do you mean, we’re not intimate enough? I hadn’t noticed!” Feign total obliviousness, and eventually they’ll just give up and accept your new asexual lifestyle. Problem solved!

6. Become the Master of Excuses

Running late for date night? “Oh sorry, honey, I got caught up at work.” Forget your partner’s birthday? “I’ve just been so stressed, my mind has been elsewhere.” Need to get out of yet another failed attempt at intimacy? “Gosh, I’m just so tired tonight.” With no physical relationship to maintain, the excuses will flow like wine. Your partner will be too polite (or too conditioned) to call you out.

Perfecting the Art of Avoidance

When all else fails, just avoid the issue entirely. Change the subject, go for a walk, pretend you have a urgent work email - anything to steer clear of having an actual conversation about your sexless marriage. Out of sight, out of mind, am I right?

7. Become the Cuddling Champion

So, you may have lost your mojo in the bedroom, but that just means you can double down on your cuddling skills. Forget about sex - you’re going to be the snuggliest, most affectionate partner on the block. Your friends will be green with envy as you effortlessly spoon your S.O. for hours on end, with zero expectation of anything more. Cuddle master, level unlocked.

The Intimacy of Non-Sexual Touch

Who needs orgasms when you’ve got a lifetime supply of gentle caresses and tender embraces? Sure, it may not be as, uh, thrilling as your former sex life, but there’s something to be said for the simple pleasure of skin-on-skin contact. Plus, your partner will be so grateful for any form of physical affection that they won’t dare complain.

8. Embrace Your New Role as Domestic Deity

Without the distractions of an active sex life, you can really start to focus on becoming a domestic god(dess). Gourmet meals, sparkling clean floors, color-coded pantries - the opportunities for household domination are endless. Your partner will be so impressed by your newfound dedication to home and hearth that they’ll hardly notice the distinct lack of bedroom activities.

The Joy of Homemaking (and Avoidance)

Feeling the urge to initiate some intimacy? Simply dive headfirst into a deep cleaning of the oven, or spend an afternoon meticulously organizing the spice rack. Your partner will be too busy marveling at your domestic prowess to even think about sex. Problem temporarily solved!

9. Enjoy the Perks of a Roommate Relationship

When physical intimacy is off the table, your marriage essentially becomes an extremely committed roommate situation. You get to enjoy all the benefits of cohabitation - shared bills, household chores, Netflix binges - without any of the messy emotional or sexual entanglement. It’s a win-win, really. Just two friends, living their best lives under the same roof.

The Comfort of Companionship (with Occasional Hand-Holding)

Sure, you may not be living in a sexless marriage by choice, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find happiness in the simple joys of platonic partnership. Snuggle up on the couch, swap life updates, maybe even hold hands if you’re feeling frisky. It may not be the passionate romance of your youth, but it’s a solid foundation of comfort and companionship.

10. Prioritize Your Mental Health (by Avoidance)

Let’s be real - dealing with the complexities of a sexless marriage can be emotionally draining. Why put yourself through the stress and heartache when you can just…not? By ignoring the issue entirely, you’re effectively safeguarding your mental well-being. No more worrying about hurt feelings, wounded egos, or difficult conversations. Your brain will thank you!

The Blissful Ignorance of Denial

When your partner inevitably tries to bring up the lack of intimacy, simply shut that down faster than a nightclub at closing time. “What? No, everything is fine, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Rinse and repeat as needed. Before long, you’ll have successfully gaslit yourself into a state of complete denial, and your sexless marriage will become the elephant in the room that nobody dares to address.

Frequently Asked Questions

Here are 5 FAQs related to the topic “Can you live in a sexless marriage”:

What is considered a sexless marriage?

A sexless marriage is generally defined as a relationship where a couple has sex less than 10 times per year. This can be due to a variety of factors, including low libido, physical or emotional intimacy issues, relationship problems, or medical conditions. It’s important to note that the definition of a sexless marriage can vary depending on the couple’s preferences and expectations.

Can a couple still have a healthy and fulfilling relationship without sex?

Yes, it is possible for a couple to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship without regular sex. While physical intimacy is an important aspect of many marriages, emotional, intellectual, and practical intimacy can also play a vital role in maintaining a strong bond. Couples in sexless marriages may find ways to connect through other means, such as quality time together, open communication, and shared activities.

What are the potential challenges of living in a sexless marriage?

Living in a sexless marriage can present several challenges, including feelings of rejection, resentment, and low self-esteem. The lack of physical intimacy can also lead to emotional distance and a breakdown in communication. Additionally, unresolved sexual issues may contribute to broader relationship problems, such as decreased trust, increased conflicts, and a general sense of dissatisfaction.

How can couples in a sexless marriage address the issue?

Couples in a sexless marriage should first have an open and honest conversation about the issue. It’s important to understand the underlying causes and address them through mutual understanding, empathy, and a willingness to work on the problem. Seeking counseling or therapy can also be helpful in providing professional guidance and strategies for improving sexual and emotional intimacy.

Is it possible to revive a sexless marriage, and what are the keys to success?

Yes, it is possible to revive a sexless marriage, but it requires a significant effort from both partners. The keys to success include:

• Identifying and addressing the root causes of the sexual issues
• Improving communication and emotional intimacy
• Experimenting with new ways to be physically intimate
• Seeking professional help, such as sex therapy or relationship counseling
• Maintaining a positive and patient attitude, as rebuilding sexual intimacy can take time and effort.