Buckle up, folks! We’re about to dive into a topic that’s juicier than a ripe peach and more taboo than a Fifty Shades of Grey book club meeting. It’s time to get real about that elephant in the room - how does God expect you to survive a sexless marriage. Whether you’re a devout believer or just a casual Sunday churchgoer, this one’s for you. So, grab a cup of your favorite sinful beverage, and let’s explore the divine wisdom on keeping your marriage hot and heavy, even when the bedroom’s as cold as a nun’s kiss.

1. Embrace the Power of Prayer (and Maybe a Few Candles)

You’d think God would be all about the whole “be fruitful and multiply” thing, but apparently, He’s got a different plan for your marriage. When the physical intimacy dries up, it’s time to get creative. Light some candles, put on your best Sunday best, and pray your heart out. Who knows, maybe the Big Guy upstairs has a few tricks up His sleeve that’ll have you and your partner surviving a sexless marriage in style.

2. Rediscover the Lost Art of Flirting

Remember those days when you and your honey couldn’t keep your hands off each other? Well, dust off your best flirting skills and bring that spark back to life. God expects you to get creative and keep the romance alive, even if the bedroom door is firmly closed. Whisper sweet nothings, steal coy glances, and don’t be afraid to get a little playful. After all, surviving a sexless marriage is all about finding new ways to connect.

3. Invest in a Heavenly Vibrator (or Two)

Now, now, before you start clutching your pearls, hear us out. God may have put the kibosh on the physical side of things, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find other ways to survive a sexless marriage. A little battery-powered help can go a long way in keeping the flames of desire alive. Just make sure to say a few Hail Marys before and after, and you’ll be good to go.

4. Become a Master of Self-Pleasure (with God’s Blessing, of Course)

Let’s face it, the Big Guy upstairs knows a thing or two about surviving a sexless marriage. And while He may not be thrilled about the idea of you getting, well, hands-on with yourself, He’s probably got a few wink-wink, nudge-nudge suggestions up His divine sleeve. So, grab a Bible, light some incense, and get ready to discover a whole new world of God-approved self-love.

5. Engage in a Little Heavenly Roleplay

Who says you can’t have a bit of fun, even in a sexless marriage? Break out your Sunday best and get ready to take on a new persona. Maybe you’re the naughty nun, and your hubby’s the devilishly handsome priest. Or perhaps you’re the sultry sinner, and he’s the stern but oh-so-tempting preacher. The possibilities are endless, and God just might approve of a little heavenly roleplay.

6. Embrace the Power of Imagination (and Maybe a Few Erotic Novels)

When the physical intimacy dries up, it’s time to get creative. Crack open a few steamy romance novels, put on your best thinking cap, and let your God-given imagination run wild. Daydream about that hot and heavy tryst with your partner, or imagine yourself as the leading lady in a heavenly, sexless romance. The mind is a powerful tool, and God expects you to use it to survive a sexless marriage.

7. Foster Emotional Intimacy (and Maybe a Few Pillow Talks)

Sure, the physical side of things may have taken a backseat, but that doesn’t mean your marriage has to suffer. God expects you to focus on building emotional intimacy with your partner. Get cozy, pour a glass of wine, and have those deep, meaningful conversations that’ll have you feeling closer than ever. Who knows, maybe a little pillow talk will even reignite that long-lost spark.

8. Become a Master of Seduction (with a Heavenly Twist)

Just because the bedroom’s closed for business doesn’t mean you can’t still be a total smoke show. God expects you to get creative and find new ways to survive a sexless marriage. Strut your stuff, unleash your inner diva, and show your partner that you’re still the hottest thing since the burning bush. Maybe even throw in a few divine dance moves to really get them going.

9. Embrace the Power of Compromise (and Maybe a Few Backrubs)

When surviving a sexless marriage, compromise is key. Maybe you can’t get down and dirty, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find other ways to connect. Offer to give your partner a sensual backrub, or suggest a cozy movie night with lots of cuddling. God expects you to get creative and find solutions that work for both of you.

10. Remember, This Too Shall Pass (with God’s Guidance)

At the end of the day, surviving a sexless marriage is all about having faith and trusting in God’s plan. Sure, it may not be easy, but with a little divine guidance, you and your partner can weather this storm. Keep the lines of communication open, lean on your faith, and remember that this, too, shall pass. After all, God expects you to keep the faith and find joy in the journey, even when the bedroom’s as quiet as a church mouse.

Frequently Asked Questions

Here are 5 FAQs related to the topic of “how does god expect me to survive a sexless marriage”:

What does the Bible say about intimacy in marriage?

The Bible emphasizes the importance of intimacy and physical connection within the marriage relationship. In 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, the Apostle Paul instructs husbands and wives not to deprive one another sexually, except by mutual consent and for a limited time, so that they may devote themselves to prayer. The Song of Songs also celebrates the beauty and delight of physical intimacy between a husband and wife. While the Bible recognizes that some may choose to abstain from sex for spiritual reasons, it generally upholds sexual intimacy as a God-ordained expression of love and unity within the marriage covenant.

How can I communicate my needs with my spouse in a loving way?

Openly and respectfully communicating your needs with your spouse is crucial in a sexless marriage. Approach the conversation with empathy, vulnerability, and a willingness to listen. Express how the lack of intimacy makes you feel, but avoid accusatory language. Invite your spouse to share their perspective and concerns as well. Seek to understand each other’s needs, concerns, and barriers to intimacy. Collaborate on practical solutions, such as seeking counseling, implementing date nights, or exploring non-sexual forms of affection. The goal is to foster mutual understanding and work together to address the issue in a spirit of love and commitment to the marriage.

What role can prayer and spiritual disciplines play in a sexless marriage?

In the midst of a sexless marriage, drawing near to God through prayer, Scripture meditation, and other spiritual disciplines can provide comfort, strength, and wisdom. Pray for your spouse, your marriage, and your own heart. Ask God to soften your hearts, to reveal any sin or unresolved issues, and to guide you both towards restoration and healing. Immerse yourself in biblical teachings on marriage, intimacy, and God’s design for sexuality. Consider engaging in spiritual practices like fasting, journaling, or couples’ devotionals to deepen your relationship with the Lord and with each other. Lean on your faith community for support and accountability as you navigate this challenging season.

How can I avoid resentment and bitterness in a sexless marriage?

Avoiding resentment and bitterness in a sexless marriage requires intentional effort and a posture of grace. Acknowledge your feelings of hurt, loneliness, or frustration, but resist the temptation to harbor unforgiveness or contempt towards your spouse. Pray for the Holy Spirit to fill you with love, patience, and understanding. Actively cultivate gratitude for the other positive aspects of your marriage and spouse. Seek out counseling or a support group to process your emotions in a healthy way. When tempted to criticize or withdraw, choose instead to extend compassion, empathy, and a commitment to work through the challenges together. Remembering that your spouse is also struggling can help foster a spirit of teamwork and an eternal perspective on your marriage.

What practical steps can I take to maintain intimacy in other ways?

In the absence of physical intimacy, it’s important to find other ways to maintain emotional, spiritual, and relational closeness. Schedule regular date nights, even if they don’t involve sex. Engage in non-sexual acts of affection like cuddling, hand-holding, or massage. Prioritize quality time together, such as taking walks, cooking meals, or participating in hobbies. Communicate openly about your feelings and pray together. Explore non-sexual forms of physical touch, such as hugging, kissing, or sensual massage. Be creative in finding ways to express your love and intimacy that don’t involve intercourse. The goal is to nurture your overall connection and bond, not just your sexual relationship.