Here’s a 1500-word article in Markdown format with H2 and H3 headings about how long a spouse can live in a sexless marriage, formatted as a Top 10 Article with a kinky, funny, conversational, engaging, and unique introduction:

Let’s be real, folks. Sexless marriage is the elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about, but it’s a reality for far too many couples. It’s like trying to keep a plant alive without water – it’s just not gonna work, no matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise. But how long can a spouse live in a sexless marriage, you ask? Well, buckle up, because we’re about to take a wild ride through the top 10 reasons why your partner’s patience is wearing thinner than a piece of dental floss.

1. The Slow Descent into Madness

Imagine your spouse staring at the ceiling, counting the number of dust mites on the chandelier, night after night. That’s the reality of living in a sexless marriage. It’s like slowly descending into a void of boredom and frustration, where the only excitement comes from figuring out how to win the staring contest with the cat. And trust us, that’s not a battle you’re going to win.

Symptom #1: Excessive Knitting

If your spouse suddenly becomes a champion knitter, capable of churning out enough scarves to outfit a small army, it’s a sure sign that they’re trying to fill the void of intimacy with something – anything – to keep their hands and mind occupied. Sexless marriages can turn even the most fashionable among us into the next Madame Defarge.

Symptom #2: Sudden Interest in Extreme Sports

When your spouse starts signing up for skydiving lessons and planning to climb Mount Everest with nothing but a paper clip and a piece of string, it’s a clear indication that they’re seeking thrills to replace the missing excitement in the bedroom. Sexless marriages can turn the most risk-averse individuals into adrenaline junkies, all in a desperate attempt to feel alive.

2. The Slow Descent into Divorce

It’s like a slow-motion train wreck – you can see it coming, but you’re powerless to stop it. Sexless marriages have a way of eroding the very foundation of a relationship, leaving both partners feeling disconnected, resentful, and ultimately, ready to call it quits.

Symptom #1: Increased Snoring

If your spouse’s snoring suddenly becomes the stuff of legend, it’s a clear sign that they’re using sleep as an escape from the reality of your sexless marriage. And let’s be real, who wants to cuddle up to a human chainsaw?

Symptom #2: Sudden Obsession with Gardening

When your spouse starts spending more time tending to their tomato plants than they do to you, it’s a sure-fire sign that they’re seeking fulfillment elsewhere – and trust us, it’s not in the bedroom.

3. The Slow Descent into Infidelity

It’s the elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about, but let’s face it – sexless marriages can be a breeding ground for infidelity. After all, you can only go so long without physical intimacy before the temptation to stray becomes too strong to resist.

Symptom #1: Mysterious Late-Night Trips to the Grocery Store

If your spouse is suddenly spending more time in the frozen food aisle than they are in your bed, it might be time to start asking some questions. Sexless marriages can turn the most loyal partners into secret midnight rendezvous enthusiasts.

Symptom #2: Sudden Fascination with Relationship Podcasts

When your spouse starts binge-listening to every relationship podcast known to mankind, it’s a clear sign that they’re searching for answers – or, heaven forbid, inspiration – to spice up their sexless marriage.

4. The Slow Descent into Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Sexless marriages can turn even the sweetest of partners into passive-aggressive ninjas, wielding their silence and sarcasm like deadly weapons. It’s like living with a ticking time bomb, just waiting for the inevitable explosion.

Symptom #1: Sudden Mastery of the Eyeroll

If your spouse has perfected the art of the epic eyeroll, it’s a clear sign that they’re bottling up their frustration over your sexless marriage. And trust us, that bottled-up anger is going to come out in ways you never saw coming.

Symptom #2: Increased Demand for Couples Therapy

When your spouse starts scheduling weekly couples therapy sessions, it’s a sign that they’re desperate to save the relationship – or at least, to have someone else do the dirty work of telling you that your sexless marriage is a problem.

5. The Slow Descent into Bitterness

Sexless marriages can turn even the most optimistic of partners into bitter, cynical shells of their former selves. It’s like watching a flower slowly wilt, petals by petals, until all that’s left is a dried-up husk.

Symptom #1: Sudden Obsession with Chocolate Consumption

If your spouse is suddenly demolishing entire bags of Hershey’s Kisses like they’re going out of style, it’s a clear sign that they’re trying to numb the pain of your sexless marriage with sugar.

Symptom #2: Increased Sarcasm and Snark

When your spouse’s comments become sharper than a freshly-honed samurai sword, it’s a sure-fire sign that they’re harboring resentment over the lack of intimacy in your relationship. Sexless marriages can turn even the most charming of partners into masters of the cutting remark.

Frequently Asked Questions

Here are 5 FAQs related to the topic “how long can a spouse live in a sexless marriage”:

How common are sexless marriages?

Sexless marriages are more common than you might think. Studies show that around 15-20% of married couples have not had sex with their partner in the last 6 months to a year. While the exact definition of a “sexless marriage” varies, many experts consider a marriage sexless if the couple has sex less than 10 times per year. There are a variety of reasons why a marriage might become sexless, including low libido, health issues, relationship problems, and more.

What are the dangers of a sexless marriage?

A sexless marriage can take a significant toll on a relationship. Without physical intimacy, couples may start to feel emotionally disconnected, leading to resentment, loneliness, and a breakdown of communication. This can make it even harder to resolve the sexual issues in the marriage. Sexless marriages are also linked to higher rates of depression, anxiety, and even divorce in some cases.

Can a sexless marriage be saved?

In many cases, yes - a sexless marriage can be saved, but it requires effort and commitment from both partners. Couples may need to work with a therapist to address the root causes of the sexlessness, whether that’s low libido, relationship conflicts, or something else. Open and honest communication, experimenting with new ways to be intimate, and making intimacy a priority are all important steps. However, in some cases, the sexlessness may be irreconcilable, and divorce may be the best option.

How long can a person stay in a sexless marriage?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, as every person and situation is different. Some people may feel able to tolerate a sexless marriage for years, while others may find it intolerable after just a few months. Factors like age, health, personal values, and the overall quality of the relationship can all play a role. Ultimately, it’s up to each individual to decide how long they’re willing to stay in a sexless marriage before it becomes untenable.

What are the alternatives to staying in a sexless marriage?

If a couple is unable to resolve the sexlessness in their marriage, there are a few potential alternatives to consider. Some couples may choose to open up their marriage and allow each partner to have sexual relationships outside the marriage, with the other partner’s consent. Others may decide to separate or divorce. Another option is for one partner to remain in the marriage while the other seeks sexual fulfillment elsewhere, though this can be a complex and risky arrangement. Counseling, sex therapy, and other interventions may also help couples find a solution that works for them.