If your bed has become as dry as the Sahara, don’t worry - you’re not alone. Sexless marriages are more common than you might think. But that doesn’t mean you have to resign yourself to a lifetime of unrequited lust. With a little creativity and a whole lot of communication, you can how to deal with a sexless marriage and reignite the fireworks in your relationship.

1. Get Vulnerable (But Not Too Vulnerable)

The first step in how to deal with a sexless marriage is to have an honest conversation with your partner. This can be terrifying, we know. No one wants to admit they’re not getting their needs met in the bedroom. But bottling up your feelings will only make the situation worse in the long run. Choose a time when you’re both calm and relaxed, and approach the topic with empathy and understanding. Avoid placing blame, and focus on finding solutions together. And for goodness’ sake, leave the grocery list and the to-do’s for another time - this is serious business.

Be Specific, Not Vague

When you’re discussing the lack of intimacy, don’t beat around the bush. Get specific about what you’d like to see more of, whether that’s bolder foreplay, bolder sex positions, or bolder date nights. The more precise you can be, the better your partner will be able to understand your needs and work with you to find a compromise.

Don’t Forget the Afterglow

Once you’ve had the big talk, don’t just roll over and go to sleep. Linger in the boldness of your vulnerability, and bask in the closeness you feel with your partner. Hold each other, kiss languidly, and let the conversation continue in a more playful, intimate way.

2. Spice Things Up (Literally)

If you and your partner are in a bit of a sexual rut, it might be time to get a little bold. Experiment with new flavors, textures, and sensations to stimulate your senses and get the juices flowing (pun intended).

Massage with Warming Oils

Swap out your regular massage oil for a warming variety, like cinnamon or ginger. The tingling sensation will heighten touch and arousal, making every caress feel electric.

Feed Each Other Aphrodisiacs

Certain foods, like chocolate, figs, and oysters, are said to have aphrodisiac properties. Make a game of it by hand-feeding each other these boldly delicious morsels.

Try Temperature Play

Alternating between hot and cold sensations can be incredibly stimulating. Run an ice cube along your partner’s skin, then follow it up with warm breath or a heated massage.

3. Schedule Sexy Time (Yes, Really)

We know, we know - scheduling sex sounds about as sexy as doing your taxes. But in the midst of busy lives and mounting responsibilities, it can be the only way to ensure you’re making time for intimacy. How to deal with a sexless marriage might just come down to putting it on the calendar.

Make a Standing Date

Set aside a recurring time each week (or month) when you and your partner commit to being physically intimate, no excuses. This gives you both something to look forward to and build anticipation around.

Start Small

If the idea of a full-on sex session seems daunting, start with something more manageable, like a 10-minute makeout session or a sensual massage. The key is to get the ball rolling and rebuild that sexual momentum.

Set the Mood

When your scheduled sexy time rolls around, go the extra mile to set the mood. Light some candles, put on some sultry music, and leave your devices in another room. Creating a sensual environment can make all the difference.

4. Rediscover Your Senses

In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it’s easy for our senses to become dulled. Reawaken them through mindful, sensual activities that bring you and your partner closer together.

Go on a Sensual Scavenger Hunt

Take turns leading each other on a bold scavenger hunt, using only your senses of smell, taste, touch, and sound to discover new pleasures.

Indulge in a Couples Massage

The power of human touch should never be underestimated. Book a couples massage and let the skilled hands of a professional melt away your stress and ignite your desire.

Explore New Flavors Together

Whether it’s trying a new cuisine or experimenting with exotic aphrodisiacs, exploring new flavors can stimulate your senses and your libido.

5. Embrace Self-Love

While maintaining a healthy sex life with your partner is important, don’t forget the power of self-love. How to deal with a sexless marriage also involves taking care of your own needs and desires.

Treat Yourself to Sexy Lingerie

When was the last time you bought something special just for you? Indulge in some bold new lingerie that makes you feel confident and desirable, even if no one else sees it (at first).

Invest in a Quality Toy

If your partner isn’t in the mood, there’s no reason you can’t still experience pleasure on your own. Explore the world of high-quality sex toys and discover new ways to get yourself off.

Schedule Solo Sessions

Just as you should schedule couple’s time, make sure to pencil in some solo sessions as well. Dedicate 15-30 minutes a few times a week to exploring your own body and desires.

6. Seek Professional Help

If you and your partner have tried everything and are still struggling with a sexless marriage, it may be time to seek professional help. A licensed sex therapist or couples counselor can provide expert guidance and tools to get your sex life back on track.

Find the Right Therapist

Do your research to find a sex therapist or couples counselor who is a good fit for your needs. Look for someone who is sex-positive, non-judgmental, and has experience working with sexual issues in relationships.

Come Prepared

When you go to your first session, come prepared with specific questions and concerns you’d like to address. The more honest and open you can be, the more helpful the therapist can be.

Be Patient and Persistent

Rebuilding intimacy takes time and effort. Stick with the process, even if progress feels slow. Remember that a few sessions probably won’t be enough to undo years of sexual disconnection.

7. Check In on Your Health

Sometimes, how to deal with a sexless marriage has less to do with your relationship and more to do with your individual health. Certain medical conditions, medications, and lifestyle factors can have a big impact on libido and sexual function.

Get a Checkup

Schedule a checkup with your healthcare provider to rule out any underlying issues that could be affecting your sex drive. Things like hormonal imbalances, thyroid problems, and chronic pain can all impact desire and arousal.

Explore Supplements

If your doctor gives you a clean bill of health, you may want to try certain supplements that are known to support sexual function, like ginkgo biloba, maca, or ginseng.

Prioritize Self-Care

Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, exercise, and stress management in your daily life. All of these factors can contribute to low libido, so focus on taking care of yourself.

8. Redefine Intimacy

If how to deal with a sexless marriage has you feeling frustrated and hopeless, it might be time to expand your definition of intimacy. Sex isn’t the only way to feel close and connected with your partner.

Explore Non-Sexual Touch

Cuddling, hand-holding, and even non-sexual massage can be incredibly intimate and bonding. Make time for these physical expressions of affection, even if they don’t lead to sex.

Engage in Emotional Intimacy

Deepen your emotional connection through meaningful conversation, shared experiences, and quality time together. The more you feel seen and understood by your partner, the more you’ll crave physical closeness.

Try New Activities Together

Engaging in new, exciting activities as a couple can reignite feelings of adventure and passion. Whether it’s taking a dance class, going on a hike, or trying a new recipe, novelty and shared experiences can bring you closer together.

9. Adjust Your Expectations

One of the biggest hurdles in how to deal with a sexless marriage is learning to let go of unrealistic expectations. Not every couple is going to have a mind-blowing sex life 24/7, and that’s okay.

Embrace the Ebb and Flow

Recognize that desire and libido naturally ebb and flow over the course of a relationship. There will be peaks and valleys, and that’s perfectly normal. The key is to be patient and communicate through those changes.

Focus on Quality, Not Quantity

Rather than setting a target for the number of times you “should” be having sex per week, shift your focus to the quality of your intimate experiences. Make each encounter count, rather than just checking a box.

Redefine “Success”

Stop measuring the “success” of your sex life by arbitrary standards. Instead, define success in terms of emotional connection, mutual satisfaction, and overall relationship health.

10. Keep the Spark Alive

At the end of the day, how to deal with a sexless marriage comes down to keeping that spark alive, even when the flames have dimmed. With creativity, patience, and a whole lot of communication, you can reignite the passion and intimacy in your relationship.

Plan Regular Date Nights

Set aside dedicated time each week or month to go on a proper date with your partner. Dress up, try new things, and let yourselves be “courted” again.

Flirt and Tease

Sprinkle in little moments of flirtation and teasing throughout your day. Send a steamy text, whisper a naughty secret, or playfully touch your partner in a way that builds anticipation.

Keep an Open Mind

As your relationship evolves, be willing to explore new ways of being intimate, whether that’s trying new sex positions, incorporating sex toys, or pushing your boundaries in a safe, consensual way.