The Great Desert: How To Fix A Sexless Marriage

Okay, let’s be real. You’ve been married for a while and the “adult time” you used to crave has become a distant memory. The thrill of new love has settled into a comfy, familiar… well, let’s just say, not so exciting routine. You know you love your partner, but the spark? Well, it seems to have gone out with the last remnants of your matching pajamas. But hold your horses, don’t throw in the towel just yet! A sexless marriage is a common issue, but it’s not the end of the world (or your romantic life). Think of it as a metaphorical desert that needs a good ol’ fashioned rain shower. And guess what? We’ve got the tools to help you bring back the lovemaking magic.

Talk About It (Seriously, Talk!)

This might seem obvious, but the biggest key to fixing a sexless marriage is communication. You can’t fix a problem if you’re both pretending it doesn’t exist. Find a time when you can both relax and talk about what’s going on. You might be surprised by what you learn, and that’s a really good thing! Here’s a little tip:

• Avoid blame. Instead of focusing on who’s “to blame,” try to understand what’s going on. What’s changed? What are you both feeling? How can you work together to get back to a place where both of you are happy.

Rekindle The Romance

Remember that feeling of butterflies in your stomach when you first met? Well, it’s time to rekindle the flames of passion. Remind each other of what you loved about each other in the first place. This might mean getting in touch with your inner romantic.

• Plan a romantic date night. Step outside of the normal routine. Ditch the Netflix and put on some nice clothes.
• Do something new and exciting together. Try an adventurous activity like a cooking class or going for a hike.
• Give each other a romantic massage. It’s a great way to relax and connect on a physical level.

Take A Break From The Boredom

Let’s face it, our lives get busy. Between work, kids, errands and life’s little hiccups, we sometimes forget to enjoy our partner’s company. If sex has become a chore, it’s time to shake things up. How can we spice things up?

• Plan a couple’s getaway. Make time for each other. Get out of the house and spend some quality time together.
• Take a break from the “honey-do” list. Put down the tools and let the dishes pile up for a day or two.
• Do something spontaneous. Sometimes it’s fun to just break the routines and see what happens. Hop in the car and head to the coast for a weekend.

Understand The Problem

Why is there no sex? A sexless marriage can be caused by a variety of factors, including stress, fatigue, health issues, relationship problems, and even medication side effects.

• Health issues. It’s important to rule out any physical causes. See your doctor if you’re concerned.
• Emotional issues. Maybe you’re feeling resentful or disconnected from your partner. Expressing your feelings can be a big step towards fixing a sexless marriage.
• External factors. Work or financial stress might be contributing to a lack of libido. Finding ways to reduce stress is important for both of you.

Work On The Underlying Issues

Now that you’ve identified the problem, it’s time to get to the root of it. What’s at the core of these feelings?

• Talk to a therapist. They can provide an unbiased opinion and help you address the underlying issues that might be contributing to the lack of intimacy.
• Take steps to improve your communication. Remember how we said communication was key? It’s truly essential for a healthy relationship.
• Find ways to connect with your partner on a deeper level. Spend quality time together. Focus on the emotional intimacy as well as physical intimacy.

Find Your Passion

It’s time to discover new ways to be intimate. This may sound intimidating but it’s all about rediscovering your shared desires and discovering what feels good, together.

• Experiment with different types of intimacy. What turned you on in the past? Try recreating those experiences with a twist.
• Explore your fantasies. Remember those naughty thoughts? Now’s the time to share them. Be open and honest with your partner.
• Try something new. If you’re stuck in a rut, it’s time to branch out. This is a great opportunity to explore your sexuality together.

Set Boundaries and Expectations

Having an open conversation about intimacy can be a great way to set boundaries and expectations. Open, honest communication can help you both feel comfortable and understood.

• Be honest about your needs and desires. Don’t be afraid to express what you want.
• Be respectful of your partner’s needs and desires. It’s a two-way street.
• Agree on a schedule or frequency. Maybe you don’t have to have sex every week. Find a balance that works for both of you.

Take Time To Connect

Intimacy is about more than just sex. It’s about feeling emotionally connected to your partner.

• Make time for each other, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day. Cuddle on the couch, hold hands.
• Give each other compliments. Tell them how much you love them and appreciate them.
• Do small things to show each other that you care. Make them their favorite meal, give them a back rub.

Don’t Give Up!

Fixing a sexless marriage is a process. It takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and your partner. If you’re committed to making your relationship work, it’s possible to bring back that spark and passion.

• Be patient. It takes time to rebuild intimacy. Don’t expect a quick fix.
• Be supportive of each other. Offer encouragement and understanding.
• Be willing to compromise. You might not always get what you want, but be willing to meet your partner in the middle.

The Bottom Line: Love Is A Journey

Remember, a healthy sex life is an essential part of a healthy relationship, but it’s important to remember that how to fix a sexless marriage is a journey. There will be ups and downs. But if you’re willing to put in the effort, you can rediscover the love and connection that you shared when you first met. So go forth, communicate, cuddle, and enjoy your journey!

Frequently Asked Questions

What if my partner isn’t interested in discussing the issue?

It’s understandable to feel frustrated if your partner isn’t receptive to addressing the issue of a sexless marriage. If they are unwilling to talk, consider approaching the conversation with empathy and understanding. Try saying something like, “I know this is a sensitive topic, and I want to understand your perspective. Could we set aside some time to talk about this openly and honestly?” If they still refuse to engage, it might be helpful to seek individual or couples therapy to have a neutral third party facilitate the conversation.

Is it normal to experience a decrease in sexual desire as we age?

Yes, it’s common for both men and women to experience a decrease in libido as they age. This can be due to various factors like hormonal changes, stress, and decreased physical activity. However, a significant decline in sexual desire could be a sign of an underlying medical condition. If you’re concerned about your libido, it’s important to consult with a healthcare professional to rule out any medical causes.

What if the cause of the sexual problems is rooted in past trauma?

If you or your partner have experienced past trauma, it can significantly impact your sexual intimacy. Trauma can lead to emotional and physical disconnection, making it difficult to feel comfortable and safe in sexual situations. It’s crucial to address the underlying trauma through individual therapy or couples counseling. A therapist can help you develop coping mechanisms and explore ways to heal from past experiences.

How can we rekindle the spark in our relationship if we’ve been together for a long time?

Rekindling the spark in a long-term relationship takes effort from both partners. This can involve reconnecting on an emotional level, sharing new experiences together, and making an effort to prioritize intimacy. You can try reintroducing date nights, engaging in new hobbies together, or simply taking the time to appreciate each other’s company. The key is to be intentional about cultivating closeness and creating new memories together.

What if I’m worried about causing conflict by bringing up the issue?

It’s understandable to worry about causing conflict, but the key is to approach the conversation with empathy and an open mind. Focus on expressing your feelings and needs without blaming or attacking your partner. You can use “I” statements to express your perspective, for example, “I feel like our connection has been lacking lately, and I miss our intimacy.” This approach allows you to open a dialogue about the issue in a safe and respectful way.