You know what they say - no sex, no wedding, right? Wrong! While a healthy sex life is important in any relationship, the truth is that many happy, long-lasting marriages go through periods or even years of little to no sexual activity. Don’t despair if your love life has taken a backseat - with the right mindset and a bit of creativity, you can make a sexless marriage work. Read on for our top 10 tips to reignite the spark (no friskiness required).

1. Embrace the Sexless Lifestyle

First things first: stop beating yourself up! Lack of sex in a marriage is way more common than you might think. In fact, studies show that around 15-20% of couples live in a sexless marriage. The reasons can vary - stress, health issues, changing priorities, or simply a natural decline in libido as you both get older. Whatever the cause, the important thing is to accept your situation and avoid putting pressure on yourself or your partner to perform. This isn’t the end of the world - it’s just a new chapter.

2. Focus on Emotional Intimacy

When the physical aspect of your relationship takes a backseat, it’s the perfect opportunity to nurture your emotional bond. Make time for deep, meaningful conversations where you really listen to each other. Share your fears, dreams, and insecurities. Cuddle up on the couch, hold hands, and make eye contact. These simple acts of tenderness can be just as (if not more) intimate than sex. The more you prioritize this emotional closeness, the less you’ll miss the physical side.

Redefine Romance

Remember that romance isn’t just about candlelit dinners and flower bouquets. Get creative and find new ways to be romantic that don’t involve ripping each other’s clothes off. Plan a fancy at-home date night, write love letters, or do little acts of kindness for each other throughout the day. Ultimately, it’s the thoughtfulness and effort that count, not the specifics.

Strengthen Your Friendship

Think back to the early days of your relationship - what did you and your partner bond over besides sex? Reminisce about your shared interests, hobbies, and inside jokes. Make an effort to rediscover those things that initially drew you together. Spending quality time as best friends can help you feel closer than ever, even without the physical intimacy.

3. Communicate Openly and Honestly

One of the keys to making a sexless marriage work is open and honest communication. Have a direct but compassionate conversation with your partner about your feelings and concerns. Share your needs, fears, and any resentment you may be harboring. Listen to their perspective with empathy and work together to find solutions. Avoid blaming or accusing - the goal is to be a team, not adversaries.

Talk About Sex (or the Lack Thereof)

It may feel awkward, but discussing your sex life (or lack thereof) is crucial. Don’t be afraid to express what you miss about being intimate, but also be willing to listen to your partner’s point of view. Are they feeling stressed, self-conscious, or simply not in the mood? Work together to address the root issues in a judgement-free way.

Set Boundaries and Expectations

Once you’ve had an open discussion, it’s important to set clear boundaries and expectations around physical intimacy. Decide together what you’re both comfortable with, whether that’s cuddling, massage, or something else. And be sure to regularly check in to make sure those boundaries are still serving you both.

4. Seek Professional Help if Needed

If you and your partner are really struggling to navigate a sexless marriage, don’t be afraid to seek outside help. A licensed sex therapist or couples counselor can provide valuable guidance and tools to improve communication, rebuild trust, and reconnect emotionally. They can also help address any underlying issues like depression, anxiety, or past trauma that may be impacting your sex life.

Consider Medical Factors

In some cases, a lack of sexual desire may be due to a medical condition or hormonal imbalance. Encourage your partner to consult their doctor, as treatments like hormone therapy or medication adjustments could make a big difference. Be patient and supportive throughout this process.

5. Redefine Intimacy

When sex is off the table, it’s time to get creative and find new ways to be intimate. Make a sexless marriage work by exploring sensual activities that don’t necessarily lead to intercourse. Indulge in long, sensual massages, take a relaxing bath together, or simply cuddle while watching a movie. The goal is to be present, connect, and savor the moment without any pressure.

Experiment with Non-Sexual Touch

Don’t underestimate the power of non-sexual touch. Holding hands, caressing each other’s faces, and hugging for at least 20 seconds can release oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone” that promotes bonding and feelings of safety. Explore these types of gentle, affectionate gestures to stay physically connected.

Incorporate Sensual Activities

Get playful and experiment with sensual, non-penetrative activities like mutual massage, strip teases, and sensual dancing. The key is to focus on the journey, not the destination. Enjoy the process of touching, teasing, and tantalizingwithout any expectation of sex.

6. Spice Things Up (in Non-Sexual Ways)

Just because you’re not having sex doesn’t mean you can’t have fun and be a little kinky! Make a sexless marriage work by injecting some playfulness and excitement into your relationship in non-sexual ways. Plan surprise date nights, try new hobbies together, or take a trip somewhere you’ve never been. Laughter and adventure can be just as bonding as physical intimacy.

Indulge Your Inner Child

Remember when you and your partner used to act silly and carefree? Recapture that sense of wonder and playfulness. Have a water balloon fight, build a pillow fort, or challenge each other to a game of hide-and-seek. Letting loose and being a little goofy can work wonders for your mood and your connection.

Spice Up Your Wardrobe

Who says you can’t be a little risqué without taking your clothes off? Surprise your partner by dressing up in something sexy, even if you have no intention of getting frisky. Strut around the house in your favorite lingerie or try role-playing with costumes. The anticipation and confidence boost can be intoxicating.

7. Manage Your Expectations

One of the biggest hurdles in a sexless marriage is learning to let go of the idea of the “perfect” relationship. Stop comparing yourself to idealized media portrayals or your friends’ Instagram feeds. Instead, focus on appreciating what you and your partner do have, rather than what you’re lacking. Shift your mindset from “problem to solve” to “opportunity to grow.”

Focus on Quality Over Quantity

If you can’t have sex as often as you’d like, shift your focus to making the most of the intimate moments you do share. Whether it’s a steamy makeout session or a heartfelt cuddle, savor the experience and don’t worry about how long it lasts. Quality trumps quantity every time.

Celebrate Small Victories

Recognize and celebrate even the smallest wins in your relationship. Did you and your partner hold hands for 10 minutes straight? Applaud yourselves! Shared a deep, meaningful conversation? Pat each other on the back. Acknowledging these little moments of connection can go a long way in boosting your mood and keeping you motivated.

8. Prioritize Self-Care

When you’re in a sexless marriage, it’s easy to let your self-care routine fall by the wayside. But taking care of yourself is crucial, both for your own wellbeing and for the health of your relationship. Make time for activities that nourish your mind, body, and spirit, whether that’s exercise, meditation, or simply indulging in a relaxing bubble bath.

Tend to Your Mental Health

Don’t underestimate the emotional toll a sexless marriage can take. Make sure you’re actively addressing any feelings of depression, anxiety, or low self-esteem that may arise. Consider talking to a therapist, joining a support group, or simply carving out time for journaling and self-reflection.

Practice Gratitude

When you find yourself dwelling on what’s missing in your relationship, shift your focus to all the things you’re grateful for. Make a daily habit of jotting down a few things you appreciate about your partner or your marriage. This simple practice can work wonders for your overall mood and outlook.

9. Nurture Your Friendship

At the end of the day, a strong, lasting marriage is built on a foundation of deep friendship and companionship. Make a sexless marriage work by nurturing that aspect of your relationship. Engage in activities you both enjoy, have stimulating conversations, and make each other laugh. The more you can cultivate that sense of camaraderie, the less you’ll miss the physical intimacy.

Spend Quality Time Together

Schedule regular date nights, weekend getaways, or even just cozy evenings at home where you can truly focus on each other without distractions. Use this time to reconnect, reminisce about your shared history, and make lasting memories together.

Support Each Other’s Interests

Take a genuine interest in the things that excite your partner, even if they don’t necessarily excite you. Attend their art shows, join them for their favorite hobby, or accompany them to that concert you know nothing about. Showing up for each other in this way can strengthen your bond immensely.

10. Maintain an Open Mindset

Ultimately, the key to making a sexless marriage work is maintaining an open, adaptable mindset. Be willing to think outside the box, try new things, and embrace the unique journey of your relationship. Remember that there’s no one-size-fits-all solution - what works for one couple may not work for another. Stay curious, stay flexible, and most importantly, stay in it together.

Explore Alternative Arrangements

If you and your partner have both agreed that a sexless marriage is simply not sustainable long-term, don’t be afraid to consider alternative arrangements - with mutual consent, of course. This could mean an open relationship, polyamory, or even a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. The goal is to find a solution that works for both of you.

Keep an Open Mind and Heart

At the end of the day, the secret to making a sexless marriage work lies in your mindset. Approach this challenge with an open mind, a loving heart, and a willingness to explore new frontiers together. With patience, creativity, and a deepening of your emotional intimacy, you just might discover that a fulfilling, lifelong partnership is possible - even without the bedroom antics.