You’d think that a holy union blessed by God would be all about the love, not the lust. But when the bedroom starts to feel like the Sahara, it might be time to reconsider whether this marriage is really made in heaven.

1. The “One Flesh” Principle

The Bible is pretty clear that marriage is all about becoming “one flesh” with your partner. In Genesis 2:24, it states “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” This isn’t just about sharing a life together - it’s an intimate, physical union. If that physical connection isn’t there, you have to wonder whether the marriage is truly fulfilling its biblical purpose.

Maintaining Intimacy

The scriptures also emphasize the importance of maintaining sexual intimacy within a marriage. In 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, Paul writes “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” Withholding sex, it seems, is a no-no.

2. Infidelity and Temptation

The Bible is very clear that sexual immorality and adultery are strictly forbidden. In Matthew 5:27-28, Jesus says “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” A sexless marriage could leave one or both partners vulnerable to the temptation of infidelity, which the Bible condemns in the strongest possible terms.

The Risk of Pornography Addiction

When physical intimacy dries up in a marriage, one or both partners may be tempted to turn to pornography or other sexual outlets outside the relationship. The Bible warns about the dangers of lust and sexual immorality, which can destroy marriages and families. A sexless marriage could open the door to these destructive behaviors.

3. The Marriage Vow

When a couple gets married, they make a solemn vow to love, honor, and cherish one another “until death do us part.” This includes a commitment to the physical and sexual aspects of the relationship. If one partner is consistently refusing sex or neglecting their spouse’s sexual needs, it could be seen as a violation of the marriage vow. After all, “I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [husband/wife]… to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part” doesn’t exactly scream “sexless marriage.”

Broken Vows and Betrayal

When one partner consistently withholds sex, it can feel like a deep betrayal of the marriage vows. It’s a breach of trust and a rejection of the physical intimacy that the vows promised. This could be grounds for divorce, as the marriage covenant has been fundamentally broken.

4. Depriving Your Spouse

The Bible makes it clear that spouses have a duty to meet each other’s sexual needs. In 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, as mentioned earlier, Paul instructs married couples not to deprive one another of sexual intimacy. Deliberately and consistently withholding sex from your partner could be seen as a violation of this biblical principle.

The Dangers of Unmet Needs

When a spouse’s sexual needs go unmet for an extended period, it can lead to a host of problems - resentment, feelings of rejection, loss of self-esteem, and even depression. This can seriously damage the emotional and spiritual health of the marriage. Neglecting your partner’s needs in this way could be grounds for divorce.

5. Incompatibility and Irreconcilable Differences

While the Bible places a high value on commitment and perseverance in marriage, it also acknowledges that there are some situations where divorce may be the best or only option. In 1 Corinthians 7:15, Paul writes “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved.” A sexless marriage could be seen as an irreconcilable difference that makes the union untenable.

The Importance of Compatibility

The Bible emphasizes the importance of compatibility in marriage, with verses like Amos 3:3 asking “Do two walk together, unless they have agreed to meet?” If the sexual and physical needs of the partners are fundamentally incompatible, and all attempts at reconciliation have failed, divorce may be the only option.

6. Neglect and Abandonment

In Ephesians 5:25-29, husbands are instructed to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This suggests that neglecting one’s spouse, including their sexual needs, could be seen as a form of abandonment. After all, if a husband is called to love his wife as Christ loved the church, then consistently denying her sexual intimacy might be viewed as a dereliction of that duty.

The Dangers of Emotional Abandonment

A sexless marriage can also lead to a deeper form of abandonment - emotional disconnection and isolation. If one partner consistently withholds sex, it can leave the other feeling unloved, unwanted, and profoundly alone, even while physically together. This emotional abandonment can be just as damaging as physical neglect.

7. Health and Well-Being Concerns

The Bible places a high value on the health and well-being of individuals, both physical and mental. In 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, it states “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” A sexless marriage that is negatively impacting the mental, emotional, or physical health of one or both partners could be grounds for divorce, as it may be the best way to honor and care for the “temple” of the body.

The Toll of Sexual Frustration

Prolonged sexual frustration can take a serious toll on a person’s mental and physical health. It can lead to depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and even physical health issues. If a sexless marriage is damaging a spouse’s well-being, it may be justifiable to end the union in order to protect one’s own God-given health and dignity.

8. Spiritual Implications

The Bible teaches that marriage is not just a physical and emotional union, but a spiritual one as well. In Ephesians 5:31-32, it says “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This “one flesh” principle has deep spiritual significance, representing the unity and intimacy that God intends for a married couple. A sexless marriage could be seen as a violation of this spiritual ideal.

The Importance of Spiritual Intimacy

Beyond just the physical aspect, the Bible emphasizes the importance of spiritual intimacy and unity in marriage. If a couple is unable to achieve this level of spiritual oneness due to a persistent lack of sexual intimacy, it could be grounds for the union to be dissolved.

9. Compassion and Mercy

While the Bible upholds the sanctity of marriage, it also recognizes that there are times when divorce may be the most merciful and compassionate option. In Matthew 19:8-9, Jesus acknowledges that Moses permitted divorce “because of your hardness of heart.” If a sexless marriage is causing undue suffering and anguish for one or both partners, and all attempts at reconciliation have failed, divorce may be the kindest way forward.

Prioritizing Wellbeing

Ultimately, the Bible calls us to be people of compassion and mercy. If a sexless marriage is causing profound harm to one’s mental, emotional, or spiritual wellbeing, and divorce is the best way to restore health and wholeness, then it may be the most loving and Christ-like course of action.

10. The Exception Clause

In Matthew 19:9, Jesus states “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” This “exception clause” suggests that sexual immorality, which could include a sexless marriage, may be a legitimate grounds for divorce under certain circumstances. While the Bible upholds the sanctity of marriage, it also acknowledges that there are exceptions where divorce may be permissible.

The Limits of Forgiveness

The Bible emphasizes the importance of forgiveness and reconciliation in marriage. However, there may be cases where a sexless marriage has caused such deep wounds and broken trust that forgiveness and restoration are no longer possible. In these situations, divorce may be the most appropriate course of action.

Frequently Asked Questions

Here are 5 FAQs related to the topic “Is a sexless marriage biblical grounds for divorce?”:

Is a sexless marriage considered a biblical reason for divorce?

The Bible does not explicitly state that a sexless marriage is grounds for divorce. However, many Christians interpret the Bible’s teachings on marriage to suggest that a complete lack of sexual intimacy between spouses can be a valid reason for divorce. The Bible emphasizes the importance of the physical and emotional union between a husband and wife, and a sexless marriage may be seen as a violation of this. Ultimately, the decision to divorce due to a sexless marriage is a complex and personal one that should be carefully considered in the context of one’s faith and relationship.

What does the Bible say about the role of sex in marriage?

The Bible emphasizes the importance of sexual intimacy within marriage. In the book of Genesis, it states that a man shall “leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). This suggests that physical and emotional unity is a central aspect of the marital relationship. Additionally, the book of 1 Corinthians advises married couples not to deprive one another of sexual intimacy, except by mutual consent and for a limited time (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). While the Bible does not provide a clear-cut answer on whether a sexless marriage is grounds for divorce, it does highlight the significance of sexual intimacy in a healthy, biblical marriage.

Can a sexless marriage be reconciled through counseling or therapy?

Yes, many couples who are struggling with a sexless marriage have found success in seeking professional help through counseling or therapy. A qualified therapist can help the couple identify the root causes of the lack of sexual intimacy, whether it’s due to physical, emotional, or psychological factors. They can then work with the couple to develop strategies for rebuilding trust, improving communication, and rekindling their sexual connection. Seeking help from a trusted religious leader or marriage counselor who is well-versed in biblical principles can also be beneficial for couples seeking to reconcile a sexless marriage from a Christian perspective.

What other biblical grounds for divorce are commonly recognized?

While the Bible does not provide an exhaustive list of acceptable reasons for divorce, there are a few other grounds that are commonly recognized by many Christians. These include adultery (Matthew 19:9), physical or emotional abuse, and abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15). In these cases, the Bible suggests that divorce may be permissible, though reconciliation is always the preferred outcome. Ultimately, the decision to divorce should be made carefully and prayerfully, with the guidance of spiritual leaders and the consideration of the specific circumstances of the marriage.

How can couples work to maintain a healthy sexual relationship in marriage?

Maintaining a healthy sexual relationship in marriage requires ongoing effort and communication from both partners. Some key strategies include:

• Prioritizing intimacy and setting aside regular time for physical connection
• Addressing any underlying issues, such as stress, medical conditions, or past traumas, that may be impacting sexual desire
• Engaging in open and honest discussions about each other’s needs and expectations
• Trying new activities or techniques to keep the physical aspect of the relationship exciting and fulfilling
• Seeking counseling or therapy if the couple is struggling to overcome challenges in their sexual intimacy
• Grounding the relationship in biblical principles of love, respect, and mutual submission

By prioritizing physical and emotional intimacy, couples can work to nurture a strong, God-centered marriage that withstands the challenges of life.