You’d think that a “sexless relationship” would be pretty straightforward, right? No sex = sexless. But oh, how wrong you’d be. The reality is that the definition of a sexless relationship is way more complex than you might imagine. In fact, you might be in one without even realizing it.

1. Infrequent Sex Doesn’t Always Mean Sexless

Let’s start with the obvious: having sex less frequently doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in a sexless relationship. Sure, if you and your partner are only getting it on once a year, that’s pretty textbook sexless. But what about once a month? Once a week? There’s no hard and fast rule. It all depends on the individuals involved and what they consider “normal” for their relationship. The key is whether both partners are satisfied with the frequency - or lack thereof.

2. It’s Not Just About the Quantity, It’s About the Quality

Even if you and your partner are having sex on the reg, that doesn’t automatically mean your relationship isn’t sexless. Because it’s not just about the quantity - it’s about the quality too. Are you both fully engaged and enjoying the experience? Or is it more of a perfunctory, routine activity that leaves you feeling unsatisfied? If it’s the latter, you may very well be in a sexless relationship, even if the numbers say otherwise.

3. Mismatched Libidos Can Lead to Sexlessness

One of the most common causes of a sexless relationship is when one partner has a much higher sex drive than the other. This can create a frustrating power imbalance, with the partner who wants sex more often feeling rejected and the other partner feeling pressured. The result? A gradual decline in sexual intimacy and connection. Even if you’re technically still having sex, the resentment and disconnect can make the relationship feel sexless.

4. Emotional Intimacy Matters Too

It’s not just physical intimacy that counts when it comes to sexless relationships. Emotional intimacy is just as important. If you and your partner are growing distant, no longer sharing your hopes and fears, and generally feeling disconnected, that can contribute to a sexless dynamic, even if you’re still having sex from time to time.

5. Unresolved Conflict Can Kill Sexual Intimacy

Conflict is a normal part of any relationship. But when it’s left unresolved, it can create a toxic environment that’s the antithesis of sexual intimacy. Constant arguing, criticism, and resentment can make you both feel too emotionally raw and vulnerable to want sex. And that’s a surefire recipe for a sexless relationship.

6. Trauma and Mental Health Issues Can Play a Role

Life happens, and sometimes it can take a serious toll on our sex lives. Trauma, anxiety, depression, and other mental health struggles can all make it difficult to feel sexually engaged and intimate with a partner. If you or your partner is dealing with these kinds of challenges, it may contribute to a sexless relationship, even if it’s not the only factor at play.

7. Aging Doesn’t Have to Mean Sexlessness

As we get older, our sex drives and sexual abilities naturally change. But that doesn’t mean a sexless relationship is inevitable. With open communication, a willingness to get creative, and a focus on intimacy beyond just intercourse, many older couples are able to maintain a fulfilling sexual connection. The key is not to get hung up on the specifics, but to focus on what works for you and your partner.

8. Asexuality Can Define a Sexless Relationship

Some people identify as asexual, meaning they experience little to no sexual attraction. And for asexual individuals in relationships, a sexless dynamic may be the norm - and perfectly okay. The important thing is that both partners are on the same page and their needs are being met, whether that involves sex or not.

9. Physical Limitations Can Impact Sexuality

Illness, disability, and other physical limitations can certainly impact a couple’s sex life. But that doesn’t mean the relationship has to be sexless. With creativity, patience, and a willingness to adapt, many couples are able to find new ways to be sexually intimate, even in the face of physical challenges.

10. Sexless Doesn’t Have to Mean Loveless

Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that a sexless relationship doesn’t have to mean a loveless one. Intimacy, connection, and fulfillment can come in many forms - not just physical. As long as both partners feel loved, valued, and satisfied, a lack of sex doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker. The key is open communication and a willingness to find alternative ways to meet each other’s needs.

Frequently Asked Questions

Here are 5 FAQs related to the topic of “what counts as a sexless relationship”:

What is considered a sexless relationship?

A sexless relationship is generally defined as a romantic or marital relationship in which sex occurs less than once a month or less than 10 times a year. This is a subjective definition, as the ideal frequency of sex can vary greatly between couples based on their individual preferences and circumstances. Some couples may consider their relationship sexless even if they have sex less often than this, while others may not feel their relationship is sexless despite having sex infrequently.

What are the reasons for a sexless relationship?

There are various reasons why a couple may find themselves in a sexless relationship. Some common causes include low libido, relationship conflicts, stress, mental health issues, medical problems, changes in life circumstances, and differing sexual needs or desires between partners. It’s important for couples to communicate openly and seek support if they are struggling with sexual intimacy in their relationship.

Is a sexless relationship healthy?

Whether a sexless relationship is healthy depends on the individual couple and their specific circumstances. For some couples, a lack of sexual intimacy may not be a major issue, as long as their other needs are being met in the relationship. However, for many couples, a sexless relationship can lead to feelings of resentment, disconnection, and even the breakdown of the relationship. Maintaining a healthy level of sexual intimacy is often an important part of a fulfilling and satisfying romantic partnership.

Can a sexless relationship be revived?

It is possible to revive a sexless relationship, but it requires effort, communication, and a willingness from both partners to work on improving their sexual intimacy. Seeking couples therapy, exploring new ways to be physically intimate, addressing any underlying issues, and making time for sex can all be helpful strategies. However, it’s important to note that some couples may ultimately decide that their differing sexual needs are irreconcilable, and that ending the relationship may be the healthiest choice.

How common are sexless relationships?

Sexless relationships are more common than one might think. Estimates suggest that around 15-20% of couples experience a sexless relationship at some point in their partnership. The prevalence of sexless relationships tends to increase with the length of the relationship, and is more common among older couples. However, it’s important to remember that the definition of a “sexless” relationship is subjective, and that every couple’s needs and expectations around sex are unique.