You’d think that the Good Book would have plenty to say about the joys of physical intimacy between spouses, but the Bible’s take on sexless marriage might just shock you. From wild warrior queens to stone-cold slaves, the Holy Scriptures cover the full gamut when it comes to what does the bible say about sexless marriage. Prepare to have your mind blown - and maybe even a little bit bothered - as we dive into the steamier side of the Bible.

1. When Abstinence is Anything But Blissful

The story of Tamar and Amnon in 2 Samuel 13 is a prime example of how the Bible views enforced sexual abstinence. Tamar, the beautiful sister of King David’s son Absalom, is raped by her half-brother Amnon, who then promptly casts her aside. The text makes it clear that Amnon’s actions were driven by a “strong desire” for Tamar, and that his subsequent rejection of her was “very great.” In other words, the Bible sees enforced sexlessness as a recipe for violence and heartbreak, not marital bliss.

2. When the Bed Grows Cold

The Song of Songs is often celebrated as the Bible’s steamiest love poem, but it also has some sobering things to say about what does the bible say about sexless marriage. In chapter 5, the female lover laments that when she finally responds to her beloved’s advances, “I opened for my lover, but my lover had turned and gone.” Ouch. The Bible seems to view an unresponsive spouse as a serious problem that can drive a wedge between a married couple.

2.1. The Importance of Mutual Desire

The Bible doesn’t just frown on one-sided sexual rejection - it also emphasizes the importance of mutual desire and enjoyment between spouses. In 1 Corinthians 7, the Apostle Paul instructs married couples to “not deprive one another” of sexual intimacy, and to instead “come together” regularly. Withholding physical affection, the Bible suggests, is a violation of the marriage covenant.

2.2. When Abstinence Becomes Unhealthy

The Bible also recognizes that complete abstinence from sex within a marriage can become spiritually and emotionally unhealthy. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul advises married couples to resume sexual relations “so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” The implication is clear: prolonged sexlessness can leave spouses vulnerable to sin and spiritual attack.

3. When Barrenness Breeds Bitterness

The story of Hannah in 1 Samuel 1 is a powerful example of how the Bible views what does the bible say about sexless marriage when it comes to infertility. Hannah’s inability to conceive a child causes her deep anguish and bitterness, to the point where her rival Peninnah “provoked her grievously to irritate her” about her barrenness. The Bible presents Hannah’s childlessness as a source of marital strife and personal torment, not a path to spiritual enlightenment.

3.1. The Curse of Childlessness

Elsewhere in the Bible, childlessness is seen as a literal curse, as in the case of Zechariah and Elizabeth in Luke 1. The text describes them as “righteous before God” yet “they had no child, because Elizabeth was barren.” Only after a miraculous divine intervention are they able to conceive the future John the Baptist. The Bible is clear that being unable to have children is a heavy burden, not a blessing.

4. When Celibacy is Celebrated (But Not in Marriage)

While the Bible has harsh words for sexless marriages, it does have a positive view of celibacy - but only when it’s a voluntary, spiritually-motivated choice. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul praises those who are able to “remain single” and devote themselves fully to the Lord. However, he makes it clear that this gift of celibacy is the exception, not the norm, for married couples. The Bible sees abstinence as virtuous in certain contexts, but not within the marriage bed.

5. When Lust Leads to Lawlessness

The Bible’s most chilling portrayal of what does the bible say about sexless marriage comes in the story of the Levite and his concubine in Judges 19. After the Levite refuses to have sex with his concubine, a mob of men gang-rape her to death. The text then describes how the Levite “took her up on the donkey. And the man rose up and went away to his home.” This horrifying account demonstrates how the Bible views marital sexlessness as an open invitation for sinful, violent behavior.

5.1. The Tragic Consequences of Rejection

The Levite’s callous treatment of his concubine has devastating consequences, sparking a brutal civil war that leaves thousands dead. The Bible is clear that when one spouse rejects the other, it can have catastrophic ripple effects. Marital unity and intimacy are not optional - they’re essential for the well-being of the entire community.

6. When Abstinence is a Weapon of War

In the book of Esther, the beautiful Jewish girl Esther is forced to become the wife of the Persian King Ahasuerus. But the text makes it clear that Esther “did not make known her people or kindred, for Mordecai had commanded her not to make it known.” In other words, Esther must remain sexually abstinent from her husband in order to protect her people. The Bible portrays Esther’s sexlessness as a strategic tool, not a path to marital bliss.

7. When Virginity is Prized Above All Else

The Bible’s most well-known example of sexual abstinence is, of course, the Virgin Mary. Her miraculous conception of Jesus through the Holy Spirit is celebrated as the ultimate triumph of purity over carnal desire. Yet the Bible also depicts other female characters, like the daughters of Zelophehad in Numbers 36, who are valued primarily for their virginity. The implication is clear: in the biblical worldview, a woman’s worth is often tied to her sexual status, not her personhood.

7.1. The Downside of Purity Culture

While the Bible honors sexual purity, it also recognizes the potential dangers of an overly rigid “purity culture.” The story of the Levite and his concubine in Judges 19 is a sobering example of how an extreme focus on female virginity can lead to objectification and violence. The Bible suggests that true holiness comes from the heart, not just physical abstinence.

8. When Celibacy is a Spiritual Discipline

In contrast to its negative portrayal of sexless marriages, the Bible does present celibacy as a legitimate spiritual discipline in certain contexts. The prophet Jeremiah, for example, is commanded by God to remain unmarried (Jeremiah 16:1-2), and the Apostle Paul encourages singleness as a way to devote oneself fully to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). However, the Bible is clear that this type of voluntary, Spirit-led celibacy is the exception, not the norm, for married couples.

9. When Abstinence is a Sign of Godly Wisdom

The Bible also presents examples of individuals who practice sexual abstinence as a sign of their wisdom and devotion to God. The book of Daniel, for instance, describes how Daniel and his companions “resolved not to defile themselves with the royal food and wine” (Daniel 1:8), including abstaining from sexual immorality. This self-control is later rewarded with great wisdom and favor from God. The implication is that **godly abstinence can be a mark of spiritual maturity.

10. When Marital Intimacy Reflects the Divine

Perhaps the Bible’s most positive take on what does the bible say about sexless marriage comes in the book of Song of Songs, where the physical intimacy between a husband and wife is celebrated as a reflection of God’s own loving relationship with his people. The sensual, poetic language used to describe the couple’s lovemaking suggests that the Bible views marital sex as a sacred, God-ordained activity, not just a necessary evil. In this way, the Bible presents a vision of sexless marriage as a tragic deviation from the divine design for human relationships.

Frequently Asked Questions

Here are 5 FAQs related to the topic “What does the Bible say about sexless marriage”:

What does the Bible say about the role of sex in marriage?

The Bible emphasizes the importance of physical intimacy within marriage. In 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, the apostle Paul instructs married couples not to deprive each other of sexual relations, except by mutual consent for a time, so that they may devote themselves to prayer. The Bible views sex as a God-given gift to be enjoyed within the committed relationship of marriage.

How does the Bible address a lack of physical intimacy in marriage?

The Bible does not directly address the issue of a sexless marriage, but it provides principles that can guide couples in this situation. The Bible encourages mutual understanding, compromise, and seeking help from spiritual leaders or counselors to address any issues that may be hindering physical intimacy in the marriage.

What are the biblical guidelines for resolving conflicts in a sexless marriage?

The Bible emphasizes the importance of communication, understanding, and forgiveness in resolving conflicts within marriage. Couples in a sexless marriage are encouraged to have open and honest discussions about their needs, concerns, and expectations. The Bible also encourages seeking guidance from trusted spiritual leaders or counselors who can provide biblical wisdom and support.

Does the Bible permit divorce due to a sexless marriage?

The Bible generally discourages divorce, except in cases of adultery or abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (Matthew 19:9, 1 Corinthians 7:15). While a sexless marriage can be deeply challenging, the Bible does not explicitly permit divorce solely on this basis. The Bible encourages couples to work towards reconciliation and restoration within the marriage, seeking God’s guidance and the support of their faith community.

How can couples in a sexless marriage maintain a strong spiritual connection?

The Bible emphasizes the importance of maintaining a strong spiritual connection within marriage, even when physical intimacy is lacking. Couples in a sexless marriage are encouraged to prioritize prayer, Bible study, and spiritual fellowship together. Additionally, the Bible encourages couples to focus on other aspects of their relationship, such as emotional intimacy, companionship, and shared spiritual growth.