what to do when your relationship is sexless

Sat Jul 06 - Written by: Nikki Martinez

What To Do When Your Relationship Is Sexless

Spice up your stale sex life - we've got the tips and tricks to revive your bedroom boredom! Discover the 10 jaw-dropping secrets that'll have you and your partner back in the sheets.

Oof, the dreaded sexless relationship. It’s like a barren wasteland where passion goes to die - a desolate landscape of unfulfilled desires and awkward silences. But fear not, my friends! We’re about to venture into this arid relationship territory and uncover a oasis of solutions. Get ready for some kinky, funny, and oh-so-engaging tips to reignite the spark in your love life.

1. Embrace the Awkward

Let’s start with the elephant in the bedroom (pun intended). Acknowledging the lack of intimacy can be the first step towards healing. Gather your courage, pour a glass of wine, and have an honest, vulnerable conversation with your partner. Approach it with empathy and a genuine desire to understand each other’s needs and concerns. Remember, communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship, even when it’s, well, a little uncomfortable.

2. Spice Things Up … Literally

If words fail you, try incorporating some sensual spices into the mix. Whip up a batch of chili-infused chocolate truffles or a sultry cinnamon-scented massage oil. The power of aphrodisiacs is no myth, my friends. Engage your partner’s senses and see how quickly the flames of desire start to flicker back to life.

2.1 Get Creative with Flavors

Experiment with different flavors and textures to discover what makes your partner’s taste buds tingle. Sweet, sour, spicy - the options are endless. Indulge in a playful game of “Guess the Flavor” and let the exploration lead you down a path of delicious discoveries.

2.2 Sensual Scents

Aromatherapy isn’t just for relaxation - it can also be a potent aphrodisiac. Diffuse some ylang-ylang or jasmine essential oils to set the mood, or spritz a few drops of pheromone-based perfume on strategic pulse points. Let your partner’s olfactory senses be the guide to rekindling the fire.

3. Rediscover Your Inner Adventurer

Remember when just the thought of your partner made your heart race and your palms sweat? Recapture that sense of excitement and adventure by planning a romantic getaway, trying a new activity together, or even just exploring a different part of your city. Step outside your comfort zone and create new memories that will breathe life back into your relationship.

3.1 Plan a Steamy Staycation

Can’t swing a trip out of town? No problem! Craft a luxurious staycation filled with sensual delights. Splurge on fancy linens, light some candles, and indulge in a couples massage. The key is to remove yourselves from the daily grind and immerse yourselves in a cocoon of intimacy.

3.2 Embrace Your Inner Child

When was the last time you and your partner just let loose and had pure, unadulterated fun? Revisit your favorite childhood activities - go roller skating, hit the arcade, or have a pillow fight. Laughter and playfulness can be incredibly sexy, so don’t be afraid to tap into your inner kid.

4. Redefine Intimacy

Oftentimes, we get so caught up in the idea of traditional sexual intimacy that we forget there are countless other ways to connect with our partners. Explore non-sexual forms of physical affection, like cuddling, hand-holding, or even just sharing a long, lingering gaze. These simple acts can reignite the spark and remind you of the deeper emotional bond you share.

4.1 Discover the Power of Touch

Skin-to-skin contact releases oxytocin, the “love hormone,” which can enhance feelings of trust, empathy, and bonding. Experiment with sensual massages, gentle caresses, or even just holding your partner close. The goal is to savor the moment and cherish the connection, without any expectations.

4.2 Maintain Emotional Intimacy

Strong emotional intimacy is the foundation for a fulfilling sex life. Prioritize quality time together, engage in deep conversations, and truly listen to each other’s needs and desires. When you feel emotionally safe and understood, the physical intimacy often follows.

5. Seek Professional Help (If Needed)

If you’ve tried everything and still find yourselves stuck in a sexless rut, it may be time to consider seeking professional help. A therapist or sex coach can provide unbiased and expert guidance to help you navigate the complexities of your situation. Don’t be afraid to reach out - sometimes an outside perspective is exactly what a relationship needs to thrive.

5.1 Find the Right Therapist

When searching for a therapist, look for someone who specializes in couples counseling or sex therapy. Chemistry is key, so don’t be afraid to interview a few providers before finding the right fit. The goal is to find a safe, judgment-free space to explore your challenges and discover practical solutions.

5.2 Implement Therapeutic Techniques

Your therapist may suggest various evidence-based techniques, such as sensate focus exercises or cognitive-behavioral therapy, to help you and your partner reconnect. Approach these practices with an open mind and a willingness to put in the work. Rome (or a sizzling sex life) wasn’t built in a day, after all.

6. Cultivate Self-Love

Sometimes, the root of a sexless relationship lies within our own self-perception and self-esteem. Prioritize your own self-care and self-love journey. Engage in activities that make you feel confident, sexy, and empowered. When you approach your partner from a place of wholeness and self-acceptance, you’re more likely to experience genuine intimacy and desire.

6.1 Indulge in Sensual Self-Care

Treat yourself to a luxurious bubble bath, a sensual dance class, or a sultry boudoir photoshoot. Celebrate your body and all its magnificent capabilities. The more you can learn to love and appreciate yourself, the more you’ll have to share with your partner.

6.2 Embrace Your Unique Desires

Acknowledge and embrace your individual sexual needs and preferences. Don’t be afraid to explore your fantasies, experiment with new toys or techniques, or even engage in solo play. The more you understand and honor your own desires, the better equipped you’ll be to communicate them to your partner.

7. Foster Mutual Respect and Compromise

A sexless relationship is rarely the fault of a single person. Approach the situation with mutual understanding and a willingness to compromise. Avoid placing blame or making accusations, and instead focus on finding solutions that work for both of you. Remember, a healthy relationship is a delicate balance of give and take.

7.1 Understand Each Other’s Perspectives

Take the time to truly listen to your partner’s concerns and experiences. Empathize with their point of view, even if it differs from your own. This mutual understanding can pave the way for more constructive and productive discussions about intimacy.

7.2 Find Common Ground

Seek out areas of compromise where you can both feel heard and respected. Perhaps you agree to set aside dedicated “date nights” for physical connection, or you compromise on the frequency of sexual activity. The key is to find a middle ground that leaves both partners feeling satisfied and fulfilled.

8. Incorporate Novelty and Spontaneity

Routines can be comforting, but they can also stifle the spark in a relationship. Embrace spontaneity and try new things together to reignite that sense of excitement and adventure. Whether it’s a surprise picnic, a steamy boudoir photoshoot, or a tantalizing new sexual position, the element of surprise can work wonders for your intimate connection.

8.1 Experiment with New Experiences

Venture outside your comfort zone and explore new activities or scenarios that pique your curiosity. This could be as simple as trying a new restaurant or as adventurous as visiting a sensual art exhibit. The key is to approach these experiences with a spirit of openness and a willingness to connect with your partner in new ways.

8.2 Incorporate Playfulness

Inject a sense of playfulness and levity into your intimate moments. Indulge in a game of strip poker, engage in a tickle fight, or simply dance together in your living room. When you’re able to laugh and have fun together, the sexual tension often follows.

9. Address Underlying Issues

Sometimes, the lack of intimacy in a relationship is a symptom of a deeper problem. Reflect on any unresolved conflicts, resentments, or trust issues that may be creating a barrier between you and your partner. Addressing these underlying issues, with the help of a therapist if needed, can be crucial for rebuilding a healthy, fulfilling sex life.

9.1 Identify and Resolve Conflicts

Take a honest look at any recurring arguments or disagreements that may be sapping the emotional energy from your relationship. Commit to resolving these conflicts in a constructive, non-judgmental manner, so that you can move forward with a clean slate.

9.2 Rebuild Trust and Intimacy

If trust has been broken, it’s important to take the necessary time and effort to rebuild it. This may involve being more transparent, setting clear boundaries, and consistently demonstrating trustworthy behavior. Restoring trust is the foundation for deeper emotional and physical intimacy.

10. Adjust Your Expectations

In a world of perfectly curated social media feeds, it’s easy to compare our relationships to unrealistic standards. Remind yourself that every couple’s journey is unique, and that a “sexless” relationship doesn’t mean your love is any less valid or meaningful. Adjust your expectations, focus on what’s working, and celebrate the small moments of connection. After all, true intimacy goes far beyond just physical intimacy.

10.1 Redefine What “Enough” Means

There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to the “ideal” frequency of sexual activity. Work with your partner to determine what feels fulfilling and satisfying for both of you, and let go of societal pressures or preconceived notions of what a healthy sex life “should” look like.

10.2 Cherish the Little Moments

In the midst of a sexless spell, it’s easy to feel like you’re drifting apart. But take the time to notice and appreciate the small, everyday moments of connection. A lingering hug, a shared laugh, or a simple act of kindness can all contribute to a deep, abiding intimacy that transcends the physical.

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